What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

What do you mean son?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What is the irony of life according to you?

What! how could you do that?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Have you ever accidentally seen your mother-in-law doing something that was private to her?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Do you know what she said mum?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

True - how I loved my mum!

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

What's your favourite porn video to jerk off to?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”